A Children's Story
Of course, the Little Human tries to annoy me. He hasn’t forgiven me for what I did on the night that changed everything between us.
It was just a couple of days after I came here. I was doing one of my midnight romps, running into randomly selected rooms at awkward angles to keep me flexible and my super-cat senses alert. I accidentally leaped onto his face and scared the daylights out of him. He flailed like a spastic canine and barked just as loudly. The boy threw a complete fit!
So dramatic.
“Cream Cheese jumped on my face!” he’d bellowed at the Lady Human.
Cream Cheese. What a silly name. I don’t even look like cream cheese. I’m black and white, with more black than white, and fluffy with long hair. Where that Little Human came up with the name Cream Cheese, I will never know.
The Little Human banged the milk jug down on the table. CLUNK. I peeked out from one eye and caught him glaring at me.
“I know that was you, Cream Cheese,” he said angrily. “I know you pooped in my shoe.”
I ignored him. Of course it was me. Who else would have done it, the Lady Human?
“I’ll get you for that! You’ll be so sorry you ever came here.” He plopped down moodily in his chair.
The clink, clink, clink of the spoon to the bowl irritates my ears, so I went to stretch and take my second morning bath.
“Good morning, sweetheart.”
“Morning, mom. That cat pooped in my shoe again. He needs to go away. I don’t want him here anymore. He’s always doing mean things to me.”
“Danny, you’re the one who wanted a cat. And you promised to feed and take care of him, remember?” The Lady Human glanced down with a worried look at my almost empty food bowl. I stared at her and continued to bathe. She has reason to be nervous. I’m cranky when I’m hungry.
“He’s gross! And mean. And look at him! He’s licking himself while I eat!”
I stopped and looked at him. You could learn a few things about hygiene, Little Human. I finished my bath and tried to take a sip of milk, but it was room temperature and not at all acceptable. I stared at the Lady Human for a moment. She was busy doing dishes and not paying much attention, so I stared at the Little Human. I like staring at him. He hates it.
“Stop staring at me Cream Cheese!” he yelled. I looked down at my milk bowl and tapped it just hard enough to land right in front of him. On his lap.
He jumped up from his chair, spilling milk and cereal all over the place. The tin bowl flew off the table and skid across the floor.
“ACK! MOM! I’ve had it with this cat! Either he goes, or I do!”
“Oh, don’t be so dramatic, Danny. He just wants milk. And maybe some attention.”
I flicked my tail at her. At least one human understands me.
“Besides, what are you going to do, run away from home because you don’t like the cat you picked out?”
“Yes!”
The Lady Human shook her head. “But, Danny, you can’t even cross the road. Wherever will you go? And anyway, you can’t just get rid of Cream Cheese. He’s a part of the family now. Isn’t that right, boy?” The Lady Human scratched behind my ear. I like when she does this. She has sharp nails.
The Little Human huffed and puffed and stomped off to his room. The Lady Human sighed and looked down at me. I purred louder.
“Why do you upset him so much, Cream Cheese? You really are a very sweet kit… OUCH! You bit me!”
Time to go.
I bolted down the hallway to my target. I stood at the Little Human’s door and watched him roughly shove clothes into a small bag.
“I’m so tired of it here,” he grumbled. “That stupid cat gets away with everything. He’s mean to me and he smells bad. And she won’t get rid of him! I don’t want to stay in the same house as him!” he turned around and stopped.
“Cream Cheese, this is all your fault!” The Little Human screamed with water coming out of his eyes. He stormed past me angrily and barged out the back door. I checked the kitchen. The Lady Human had no idea he’d just left, and I don’t like the thought of that loud annoying Little Human getting hurt, so I ran after him. I stopped just outside my cat door. The Little Human stood at the end of the driveway breathing very hard.
I licked my paws a little to get them ready for the hard, hot ground. By the look on the Little Human’s face, I’m sure I’ll have to go after him. He knows he’s not supposed to be out here, so I have to stop him from going too far. I moved quietly down the driveway just out of sight behind the hedge that lined the piece of road those big moving boxes don’t roll over.
Suddenly, much to my own surprise, the Little Human made a split-second decision and marched off down the sidewalk, heading towards the cross walk with the big bright lights the humans use to stop and go at random intervals in their big rolling boxes. It’s a silly little game they play between the walkers and those big metal dogs with humans in them. I don’t pretend to understand it.
The Lady Human has told the Little Human over and over again that he cannot cross this road by himself beczuse it was too dangerous. I had to stop him. I leaped up into the air and landed on his shoulders, tackling him to the ground. I didn’t really expect him to fall so easily. I had to twist around like some acrobatic spring kitten and flipped off his shoulders. PLUNK! I fell right onto my side. It hurt, but I wasn’t going to let the Little Human know that. He stared at me wide-eyed and very red in the face.
“STUPID CAT!” The Little Human swung his bag at me. I moved just in time, but had to run away because he started to chase me with that big swinging weapon with a frightening picture of a red and blue masked spider creature.
Maybe I can lead him back to the house!
I got all the way back and hopped through my cat door, hoping he would follow.
Nope.
The Little Human was on a mission. As soon as I was back in the house, he turned around and stomped off down the sidewalk again. I took a shortcut through the yards and beat him to the crosswalk. The Little Human turned the corner and stopped suddenly, looking at me with scared wide eyes.
“You’ll let me cross, Cream Cheese!” he yelled.
No. I don’t think I will. I flicked my tail and sat comfortably. The Little Human moved forward slowly, determined to cross the road and be on his way to a better life without me.
I planted my back legs into the ground and sat as still as possible. Just as he got close enough to the edge of the sidewalk, I pounced on him. He screamed and fell backwards. I was ready for him to fall this time, and my paws were good and ready for the ground (naturally, of course). I settled back down in my spot. For a long time, we just stared at each other.
The Little Human stood up slowly, never taking his eyes off me. I don’t know why he always plays this game. I always win.
“You hurt my hand, Cream Cheese,” he cried. Suddenly, he took off and almost made it past me, but I was too fast for him. I jumped sideways and tripped him. The boy fell hard and hurt his hand even more. It had a little blood from a big scrape on it, and he started to cry.
“YOU STUPID CAT!” He tried to swipe at me, but I leaned out of the way. Just at that moment several big boxes went zooming by and the Little Human stared at them in frightened wonder.
Finally, after the metal dogs were long gone, the Little Human said, “I would’ve been hit by those cars if you hadn’t stopped me, Cream Cheese.”
Instead of responding with a rub over his legs, I ignored him and stared out at nothing in particular, convinced he’d make a move again.
“I guess you’re not so bad,” he whispered. “Maybe if you just stop peeing and pooping in my things, I could actually start to like you.”
I only do that because you don’t pay any attention to me, and you yell at me all the time and I get mad. Of course, the Little Human doesn’t understand me so I just move closer and lie down next to him.
Slowly, he started to scratch behind my ear in my favorite spot. I purred louder than ever. After a while, we walked home together where the Lady Human yelled at the Little Human for leaving without permission. The Little Human didn’t mention the crossing attempt, so it remained our little secret, since I can’t speak Human.
From that day on, the Little Human played with me more often, fed me warm milk at the right temperature, and petted me as often as I wanted. And when the weather was nice, we’d walk together to the crossing and then back home again, in a happy friendly silence. I never again peed or pooped in the Little Human’s things (although throwing up was not originally complained about).